The Colonel

HQ: 2 May

I have been feeling cooped up. The rain of the past fortnight has felt relentless. Yes, I have managed occasionally to sally forth with the dogs for a breath of fresh air. But otherwise, I have been confined to barracks, perusing the papers, feeling increasingly grumpy about the state of the world - and, I admit, finding it something of a strain to spend virtually all my waking hours with no company except that of the Old Girl.

HQ: 26 April

The Memsahib is currently purring like a Cheshire cat, as she has just received her invitation to the Chelsea Flower Show early next month. It arrived whilst I was venting my spleen on the ridiculous Leveson Enquiry. I am bored to tears with the bleating of Tom Watson MP and Chris Bryant MP. I'm fed up with all the jealous hypocrisy from the 'hacks' who have been on this relentless quest to bury the Murdochs; as if butter wouldn't melt in their mouths.

HQ: 20 April

Once upon a time, more years ago than I care to remember, there was a technical analyst called Brian Marber. Today he is probably more famous for being the father of comedian and playwright Patrick Marber, but when I was a young subaltern and a nascent investor, he was someone to watch and listen to.

HQ: 12 April

It's at times like these that I feel my age. The papers are full of stories about gung-ho companies - young, vigorous and fashionable - that are changing hands for astronomical sums. Their founders are lauded as brilliant pioneers. We are told these enterprises - often tiny and just as often losing money - are (cue booming voice over) 'The Future'.

Cotswolds: 5 April

It has been an extraordinary quarter for global equities. With the US threatening to return to acceptable growth, its equity markets rose by 12% with the Nasdaq, on the back of a breathtaking performance from Apple, adding the best part of 20%. Europe, despite its woes, has kicked in profits, as has Japan's Nikkei, up 11% in the same period. By comparison the FTSE 100 only added 3.5% with some of our banks, utilities and international mining stocks tending to underperform the marketplace.

Algarve: Thursday 29 March

One of the many things I particularly like about being retired is the ability to up sticks and bugger off to wherever takes your fancy. On this occasion it is the Algarve - a little too British in areas, but home of some of the best golf courses you are ever likely to encounter. The prompt for this visit was the chance to show Freddy that my skills could and would travel. The subtext was that investment was feeling just a tad boring right now.

HQ: 21 March

Sometimes, I despair at my own behaviour. Each year, I pour myself a modest glass of a decent single malt and settled down in front of the box to watch the Budget speech. And each year, I become increasingly irritated as the Chancellor - whoever it is - and his opposite number pour out half-truths and deliver forecasts that we all know are going to turn out to be wildly inaccurate. Each year, I vow that I'll never do it again.

Cheltenham: 15 March

In recent weeks financial and economic issues seem to have been at fever pitch. Firstly, we had the unsavoury bail-out of Greece - so much has been written on this subject, that at least unemployment in the forests of Estonia and Latvia are now no longer an issue.

HQ: 7 March

Now, here's a thought. Is the rise in the price of oil more down to the money central banks are pumping into the banking system - aka quantitative easing (which sounds more to me like a cure for the constipation that plagues the memsahib than a fiscal policy) - finding its way into the black stuff, rather than more fundamental pressures?

19th hole: 29 February

You have to admire the Irish for their sense of humour. Just as those assorted European alleged leaders thought they'd patched up things for Greece, the Irish come along and declare that they'll have to hold a referendum to decide whether they approve of the "fiscal pact" or whatever we're meant to call it. Cats and pigeons spring to mind.